


Hard to Get High When You're Living on the Bottom

by AmeliaDogwood



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Demon forms, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fallen Angels, Fallen!Gabriel, Good Omens Kink Meme, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Canon, Rating May Change, Snake Crowley (Good Omens), Soft Aziraphale (Good Omens), Soft Crowley (Good Omens), Suicide Attempt, Wing Grooming
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2020-09-01 06:14:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20253478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmeliaDogwood/pseuds/AmeliaDogwood
Summary: Gabriel has Fallen. And if that wasn't bad enough, he now is stuck with the people he considers responsible (Aziraphale and Crowley).Continuing to go on in Heaven without guidance was one thing, but being being loyal to a fault for all of existence only to have his only guide for it all ripped away is just too much.Eventually though he might find that maybe, just maybe, he can manage to go on without that guide.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song "People Like Us" - Kelly Clarkson
> 
> Written for This kink meme https://good-omens-kink.dreamwidth.org/616.html?thread=657256

He had been just sitting at his desk, still trying to work though the mountains of paperwork and complaints about the apocalypse not happening and not only that but the traitors didn't even get punished! And he was getting blamed for it all! It wasn't like it was his fault that somehow an angel and a demon managed to ruin everything and also have some magic immunity that no one was able to figure out! What was he supposed to do? There was nothing written about this! If this was Her plan then why didn't the rest of them get the instructions for this? 

Since creation there was one thing he could count on; The Great Plan. It meant that no mater what, as long as he could stay true to what was written he knew he was doing the right thing. But now? Now he was lost, he didn't know what was next, God wasn't telling them anything else and everyone was looking to him and he was just as clueless as the rest of them.

Yet another paper appeared and floated down on to his desk. He almost simply put in his ever increasing pile of paperwork but then looked at it. It was a summonses to meet with the Metatron. Well, this was good news. Maybe the Almighty finally had some instructions! Filled with far more confidence than he had had a few moments ago he left his office and walked down to where the special room for Metatron was. Well, really it just looked like the rest of the offices but bigger. 

“You sent for me?” he asked as he entered. 

“Archangel Gabriel, you have questioned God's plan,” he said in a booming voice.

“I- what? No I didn't! I was following everything as it was wr-”

“Everything that happens is part of God's plan—written or not. And when Aziraphale played his part in the plan you tried to destroy him. You did not trust in the Almighty to make him Fall if she saw fit too.”

“Wait, you mean that little shit was _right?_ About that being the plan?” 

“...apparently,” he said sounding almost embarrassed himself. It seemed God didn't give _him_ a heads up on that one ether.

“So what dose this mean?” Gabriel asked now feeling much, much worse than when he had come into the office.

“For questioning God's plan She has regretfully sentenced you to Fall.”

“Wait! I- What?!” he barely got the words out before the ground fell out from beneath him and he plummeted downward. 

The last thing he remembered feeling was the feeling of raging Hellfire burning him from the inside out, burning away everything that was Holy and Good. The last thing he felt being burned out was the feeling of Her Love before he blacked out.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When he came to it was impossible to say how long he had been out for. He did at least recognize where he was however. Not Hell like he would have expected but London. So now he not only had to live with the horror of being a demon but also had to hide his shame from the person who was responsible for his Fall in the first place! He had been God's most loyal servant since creation and this is what he had been reduced to. What... what was he going to do? As far as angels where concerned Fallen where dead to them, considering he had been against them since the first war he doubted that he would have much better reception with demons. The only thing left was the traitors. The traitors that he had tried to kill and subsequently caused him to Fall. 

It finally hit him. He had no one. Nothing to go back too. Nothing to look forward too. Nothing. No one. 

He didn't know if he could move right now and he didn't know if he wanted to. The fire from his Fall had dulled to a throbbing that went though his whole body. The one part that still felt like burning was his wings and he wasn't ready to look at those yet. It was night and there weren't that many people to see him anyway so he curled up right where he was on the ground of the side street he had found himself on and tried to think of a reason it might be worth moving from that spot ever again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

For some, it had been their worst day in existence. For others, it was a normal Tuesday afternoon in the bookshop.

“Angel, do you feel that?” Crowley asked sitting up straight—or at least straighter than his stranded mess of limbs—on the couch.

“Someone has... Fallen,” Aziraphale said sensing the same thing. “But no one has Fallen since...”

“I know.”

There was a brief silence. 

“Who do you think it is?” Aziraphale asked quietly. 

“Who knows?” he said easing his way back down into his usual mess of limbs. “But if you ask me, whoever it is, they deserve it. Angels. Bunch of sniveling, stuck up, pretentious bastards if you ask me. Present company excluded, of course.”

“Of course,” Aziraphale agreed with a sigh. “But you can't honestly believe that—that they deserve it. I mean you Fell, is there really anyone you would wish that on?”

Crowley scrunched up his face for a moment, thinking. “Yes,” he finally said.

“Who? I want a name,” Aziraphale said seriously.

“Gabriel.” 

Aziraphale scoffed. “Really?”

“Angel, he tried to _kill_ you and it wasn't even reluctantly, he _wanted_ you to die. You can't honestly say you think that guy deserves to be the guy in charge of managing Heaven.”

“Well no, but Falling still seems harsh. I would think a demotion would suffice.”

“You're too nice, angel,” he said rolling his eyes. “Don't you want him to suffer? Even a little? Deep down?”

“Well... yes. But knowing Gabriel a demotion _would_ be suffering to him.”

“Touche,” he said leaning back further. “But in all honesty, I do hope it was Gabriel because I don't know what other angel I would wish that on.”


	2. Chapter 2

By his count it had been five days since his fall and he had still managed to not move from that spot. On the second day some humans he assumed where law enforcement came over and asked if he was okay and told him to move. After that he had put up a field to make it so no one would notice him anymore. It was more work than just laying there but it was still less work than moving. 

The burning feeling in his wings still hadn't died down any but right now it was the only thing reminding him he was still in his own body. Which is why, some time after midnight, when all of the humans who had been out drinking where headed home, he managed to get onto his feet and despite his better judgment, go to the one place that might help him.

~*~*~*~*

Crowley had fallen asleep on the couch again. Besides watering his plants—or at least the ones that hadn't already found their way over to the book shop—he hadn't been back home since the apocal-wasn't. This was fine as far as Aziraphale was concerned. He didn't sleep much anyway so it wasn't a problem when Crowley did want the bed upstairs but he normally ended up falling asleep in the back room anyway. Aziraphale had just sat down in his armchair with a fresh cup of tea and a book when there was a knock.

“We're closed!” he called before realizing that Crowley was asleep. He sat up groggy and glared in the general direction of the door seaming to try to will whoever it was away.

There was another knock, more hesitant this time, but it seemed like whoever it was wasn't going away.

“Want me to send them away, angel?” Crowley asked making his way to get up.

“No, no, it's alright, I'll take care of it. Go back to sleep, dear.”

He opened the door with a, “I'm sorry we are most definitely cl-” the words died on his lips. “Gabriel?” 

“I... can I come in?” 

He looked like hell which, considering what he knew happened a few days ago, was probably literal. His cloths where basically shreds, his face and body where covered in black which wasn't clear how much was dirt and how much was burn makes. On any normal day he would have told Gabriel to go away or he would spit more Hellfire at him (Crowley had been happy to tell him everything that happened when they where masquerading as each other) but this was not a normal day, clearly. It would be wrong not to at least let him in for a bit, right? 

Aziraphale reluctantly nodded and stepped to the side. “Dear,” he called ahead into the back. “We have a... visitor.”

“A wha-? Oh,” he said as he came to the doorway and saw Gabriel standing there. He considered making a rued comment but Aziraphale gave him a look that said “not now” so he kept his mouth shut, for now.

“What happened?” the angel asked as he sat Gabriel down on the other chair. 

“Apparently....” he said softly. “The Almighty didn't like me trying to kill you.”

Aziraphale and Crowley exchanged a look. Well, at least now they knew that She approved. 

“I know I have no right being here, you know, given the circumstances, but... I didn't know where else to go...”

No mater what his personal feelings where Aziraphale didn't have the heart to turn him away. Perhaps he was being 'too nice' but he had always had some level of compassion for everyone. Even if they didn't necessarily deserve it. But then again, he didn't think anyone deserved that kind of suffering. 

“Stay there for a moment, I'll get some tea,” he then motioned Crowley to follow him into the kitchen. “Listen,” he said once they where out of Gabriel's ear shot. “I know you think he deserves this but-”

“Are you seriously considering letting him stay here?” 

“I- Well.... I mean look at him. Regardless of any... personal feelings... we can't just turn him away like this. I mean, if he was desperate enough to come to us for help I can't imagine how bad of a place he must be in.” Crowley gave a look that said he still wasn't convinced. “Look, I'm not suggesting he move in or anything, even I have my limits. Just that he stay here until he gets adjusted. It's not like he's a threat to us like this.”

“Alright, alright, I don't like it but... fine. I mean, it's your house, it's not like I get a say anyway.”

“Of course you do, dear. Besides, 'my house'? We both know you've moved in. If this is going to push you away it's not worth it. All I'm asking is that you give it a chance. He won't be here forever.” 

Crowley nodded. “Alright, I suppose. But if he says so much as one bad thing about you he's out. He might be a bastard but if he's going to be an _ungrateful_ bastard then he gets to go back out on the street.” 

“Agreed,” he said kissing his demon's cheek. “Now, I believe I came in here to get some tea.” 

Gabriel had known this was a bad idea. They didn't want him here any more than anyone else did. He was about to get up and leave while they where out of the room but they where back and he found that he was being handed a steaming cup. His hands shook and he tried not to drop it. Gentle hands wrapped around the outside of his holding him steady. 

“It's alright,” the angel said gently. “Just set it down on the table if you need to.” 

He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve this _kindness_ certainly not from him of all people. Was this somehow part of his punishment? He didn't really know anymore but he nodded and tried to steady himself as the other set of hands left. He managed one sip before he had to put the cup down. Before his Fall he would have thought himself above things like food and drink but at this point it didn't really matter. There wasn't anything Pure left in him so why hold back at this point?

“We've agreed that you can stay here until you're... adjusted,” Aziraphale said sitting back in his own chair.

“Thank you,” he said, still not able to raise his voice above a whisper. There was a few more moments of silence before he spoke again. “Um, I... I don't know if this is too much to ask,” he said sounding uncomfortable. “But I... I would like to get clean but I... don't know how to use Earth bathing... so if maybe you could explain....” he was already regretting saying anything. 

Aziraphale nodded, “The bathroom's upstairs. Follow me.” 

Gabriel let himself be lead upstairs to a small room with an old looking claw-foot tub. Then watched as the angel filled it with warm water and bubbles that smelled like vanilla and musk. Then proceeded to explain which of the various bottles where for your body and which ones where for hair and where a towel and change of cloths where after. 

After Aziraphale had left the room he took off what had remained of his suit and sunk down into the water. Getting clean did make him feel physically better but the unfortunate part was that baths are a good place to think which right now didn't help at all. 

All of this was his fault, _all of it_. After the humans where banished from the garden it was _his_ idea that Aziraphale stay on Earth since he was already there anyway. And if he hadn't suggested that Aziraphale stay on Earth then he wouldn't have gotten attached to humans and he wouldn't have worked to stop the apocalypse and then he wouldn't have tried to execute the traitor and then he wouldn't have Fallen. If he had just let someone else go to Earth then everything would have just gone as planed. He had spent his whole existence tried to follow the plan but apparently he was able to already have that screwed up in the beginning! He should have just Fallen then. What was the point of being lead on for over 6,000 years when he had already fucked up so bad way back then? Maybe that was it, maybe he had screwed the plan up so badly that he needed to be punished in new and interesting ways. Hell, Aziraphale not Falling and not being able to be killed was probably in of itself part of his punishment. 

“I can't do anything right, can I?” he mumbled to himself. 

There was a knock on the bathroom door. “Are you alright in there, Gabriel? It's just, it's been almost five hours, I just wanted to make sure you where okay,” Aziraphale said from the other side. 

“I- yeah, I'm fine,” he called back just loudly enough to be heard on the other side of the door. 

“Alright, just call if you need anything!” 

Five hours? Had he really been sitting there that long? His wrinkly fingers did confirm that he had been there a while but _five hours?_ Really? He supposed that if he really had just been sitting in the bath that long he should probably get out. With some effort, he managed to pull himself out of the water and grabbed the towel sitting near the tub. 

He hadn't really looked at what cloths had been laid out for him but it ended up being a pair of dark blue flannel pajamas. He supposed they where at least comfortable which he supposed was the point. The long soak in the tub had managed to help some of the soreness he had still had but his wings still burned and he was still not going to look at them. He didn't know if he was ever going to be ready for that. 

By the time he had gotten back downstairs Crowley was asleep again, this time with his head resting on Aziraphale's lap. 

“I kept your tea warm for you,” he said nodding over at the table. 

The corner of his mouth twitched up the tiniest bit as he sat down and picked up the cup. He might not be entirely stable still but he was able to make the shaking stop enough to hold the tea without it spilling. He still didn't know if this was a good or a bad thing but he did know that this was far more comfortable than the street corner had been.


	3. Chapter 3

At some point, Gabriel had fallen asleep in the chair. It was lucky that angels and demons alike could will away small things like sore necks because that was certainly what he needed once he woke up. When he looked up Aziraphale was no where to be seen—though realistically he was probably just in another room—but Crowley was still on the couch though he too was awake now.

Once Crowley realized he was awake he simply started glaring at him without saying anything. Gabriel wasn't really sure how to respond to that. It made him very nervous the way he was being looked at but he couldn't exactly say the look of hatred was unwarranted ether. Still, the look made him want to curl up and hide and he pulled his legs into the chair with him, hugging his knees to his chest. 

“Uh, good morning,” he tried saying though his voice was still barley above a mumble. 

“It's 3:30 in the afternoon,” Crowley responded bluntly. 

“Oh, good afternoon?” he said he said pulling his knees closer.

Crowley gave a noncommittal grunt that could have also meant “good afternoon” or could have meant “fuck off”. Gabriel assumed the later but was still at least somewhat grateful that he hadn't actual said it.

“Um, where's Aziraphale?” he asked uncomfortable in the silence with someone who really would rather him not be here in the first place. Not that Aziraphale wanted him to be there ether but at least he didn't glare quite so much.

“He went to pick up lunch. I would normally have gone with him but you had to fall asleep and now I'm stuck babysitting until he gets back with the take-out,” he said not braking the glare.

“...Sorry,” he said awkwardly. 

“You have a fuck tun more to be sorry for then _being asleep_,” he said his voice thick with venom. 

“I know,” looking away. “And I am.” 

He scoffed. “Practicing that lying now that you're a demon? You'll have to try harder than that.” 

Gabriel was saved from having to come up with an answer to that by a jingle at the door. “I'm back!” Aziraphale called. “Oh good, you're away,” he said when he saw Gabriel. “Good thing I brought extra.”

“You know he's not going to eat that,” Crowley said pulling the angel into his lap and giving him a quick kiss.

“You haven't even asked him, dear,” he said rolling his eyes.

“Fine, do you want some “gross matter”?” 

“...well, I- if you have extra...” again, it's not like there was any reason not to at this point. And if he was being completely honest it wasn't like he hadn't been curios before. It was just that he was keeping himself from the temptation. But none of that mattered. Nothing mattered anymore. And right now the only thing that might matter was making his host happy which he was sure at least trying the food would do.

Crowley just looked confused at this point but Aziraphale beamed. “Of course I do!” he said sliding out of Crowley's lap to pick up the paper bag filled with food. “Let's see, I have pork dumplings, udon noodles and rice pudding. I also had chicken dumplings but I eat those on the way over.”

“Of course you did,” Crowley laughed. 

“Um, what would you suggest?” Gabriel asked already feeling overwhelmed.

“Well, how about we start out with a dumpling?” he said taking one out of the bag. 

Gabriel shrugged a little. He had no way to know one way or another which thing was or wasn't better to start with. 

“Not that I have any interest in helping,” Crowley said. “But you might want to start him off with the pudding, angel. I doubt he knows how to chew yet.”

“Oh, oh! You are probably right, dear. Yes, lets start with that instead.” It hadn't occurred to him that much like a baby who hadn't quite figured out eating yet, starting Gabriel out with food that involved a lot of chewing would probably be a bad idea. “Here, let's try this,” he said now taking out a clear plastic tub instead. “Crowley dear, would you mind getting me a spoon from the kitchen. Well, more than one spoon,” he said. Of course he wasn't going to let Gabriel eat all of it even if he ended up wanting to.

Crowley grumbled a little but got up and wandered over to the kitchen.

“...thank you for... for all of this,” Gabriel said after a moment. “And... I'm sorry.” 

Aziraphale looked up surprised at no just the comment but how... _sincere_ he sounded. He really wasn't sure how to respond to that. On one hand he really wasn't sure even as an angel how much apologizing from Gabriel would be enough, or if that was even possible. But on the other hand it made him slightly less apprehensive about helping him since he did actually seem to be trying. In the end he settled on a small smile in response rather than anything verbal.

“Here's your spoons, angel,” Crowley said coming back into the room.

“Thank you, dear,” he said. “Here,” he said handing one of them to Gabriel. “Now, take a small spoonful like this,” he said dipping his spoon into the tub. 

Gabriel took the tub and stuck his own spoon into the tub. It took a couple of tries to get a smaller bite like Aziraphale was demonstrating. The goopy substance wanted to stick to itself in large clumps. Eventually he got something moderately sized on his spoon and set the tub down. 

“Now you don't really need to chew but it will help if you move around the rice in your mouth a little before you swallow, alright?” 

Gabriel nodded and mirrored the angel putting the spoon in his mouth. It was a rather interesting sensation. It was soft and melted into more of a creamy liquid as soon as it hit his tong. He also wasn't at all sure what it was supposed to taste like but it was a pleasant. He took Aziraphale's instructions and worked the small clumps along the roof of his mouth with his tong. Swallowing the food ended up being a little harder than swallowing liquids but not by much—that much at least his human-ish body was able to have instincts for.

“So, what do you think?” Aziraphale asked expectantly. 

“I... I think I liked it. It was... interesting but... pleasant” he really wasn't sure how to describe any of it quite yet. 

“Well by all means, have more if you'd like,” he said offering the tub back. 

Gabriel ended up taking three more spoonfuls before deciding that was enough experimenting for the day. He was at least far more comfortable now. He had a pleasant taste in his mouth and Crowley had stopped glaring at him though it was probably due to the fact that he was paying attention to the angel instead but it was still better than being alone with him. 

He sat in the chair most of the rest of the day. Aziraphale had the shop open for a while but kept consumers away for the most part. Mostly he just sat and read or made conversation with Crowley. Gabriel personally didn't say much the rest of the day though besides taking up the angel's offer of tea later in the day. Eventually later that night Crowley appeared to be getting sleepy. 

“Would you like to go up to bed, dear?” Aziraphale said looking down at him. 

“Fuck no, I'm not leaving you alone with _him_,” he said with as much malaise as he could manage in his half asleep state. 

“I'll be fine,” Aziraphale assured him rolling his eyes. “What do you think will happen?”

Crowley seemed to think for a moment but couldn't come up with a valid argument. “I don't like it,” he said.

“I know, dear, but you also don't need to stay on the couch forever ether.” 

“Fine,” he said getting up. 

“Goodnight, dear,” he said giving him a kiss.

“Goodnight, angel,” he said softening. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

If he could have still felt Love Gabriel was sure that he would have felt it coming from both of them. Only a short while he would have assumed that demons couldn't actually love but there was only so much you could fake and after thinking over everything that had happened he knew that Crowley couldn't be faking that. Which honestly made him feel ever more guilty. 

After Crowley disappeared upstairs Gabriel spoke up. “I felt it,” he said. “At the airbase, how you both love each other. I convinced myself that it was all just what Tadfield felt like anyway but I knew that was bullshit. I just... I didn't want to believe that demons could...” he took a shaky breath. “I'm so sorry.” He closed his eyes and was surprised to feel the angel rest a hand on his. 

“I know,” he said gently. 

He looked up to meet his eyes and for the first time since his Fall, Gabriel cried.


	4. Chapter 4

Aziraphale honestly wasn't sure what to do with his now Fallen former boss crying in his back room. Should he try and comfort him? It felt, if not wrong, then simply awkward just sitting here. Of course Gabriel had been horrible to him but... do onto others? It didn't do anyone any good if he ended up being horrible too. And he seemed to actually feel bad for what he did so...

“It's alright, it's alright,” he said softly putting a hand on his shoulder. He really wasn't sure how to go about this. 

“It hurts,” Gabriel whispered. “It's empty, it's all empty. I can't feel Her, I can't feel any of the angels, hell, I can't even feel demons. Is this, is this what they all go though?” he asked with tears still in his eyes.

“I... I don't know,” Aziraphale admitted. “Crowley doesn't like talking about it...” it honestly hadn't occurred to him up until this moment that this was something Crowley would have had to deal with as well. 

“Aziraphale?” he said after a moment. “Why are you helping me?”

“Your guess is as good as mine to be honest,” he said with a sliver of humor in his voice. “I suppose it's just... what I do.” 

“What? Shelter the people who recently tried to kill you?” he scoffed.

“Well, no, not normally that specific,” he admitted. “Though... I suppose in a way possibly yes. I mean, when I first met Crowley in the garden, in the grand scheme of things, the war hadn't been that long ago and though there is no way to know if we actually went up against each other it's fare to say that had we come across each other in the war we at least would have tried to kill each other. But when we met on the garden wall he... he wasn't hostile like I would have expected. We just... talked. And then when the rain came, well, it just seemed like the thing to do.”

“What did?” Gabriel asked and Aziraphale looked up seeming to have forgotten he was there for a moment. 

“I... sheltered him with my wing,” he said realizing there was no reason not be honest at this point. “I suppose that means I was a traitor from the start, doesn't it?” he said giving a bit of a dry chuckle. 

“You mean the two of you have been friends since the Beginning?” he asked. He had known it had been a while because of the Earth surveillance but it didn't go back all the way so there was no way to know how long this had been going on.

He nodded. “Puts everything in a new prospective, doesn't it?” 

Gabriel nodded, eyes wide. “Weren't you ever worried that he was just trying to tempt you or something?”

“Well, sometimes, yes. But then he would do something that simply couldn't be taken any other way than sincere.”

He thought for a moment before finally speaking again. “Aziraphale, you... you where never a traitor,” he said. “To be honest you where probably better than most of us in Heaven. And I mean really, even if there was any doubt, you never Fell and I well...” He took a deep breath again. “I really have always been an ass, haven't I?”

It took a moment for him to soak in everything Gabriel had said. “Yes, I suppose you have been,” he finally said not sure how else to answer the question other than really the truth. “Although,” he added. “If it's any consolation, you are much less of an ass as a demon than you where an angel.” 

Gabriel smiled a bit at that. Nothing like the fake business smile he normally had but a real one. “Thank you,” he said. 

“Would you like to try some cocoa?” Aziraphale asked standing up. 

“I'd like that,” he said softly. 

“I'll be right back.” He headed up stares to the small kitchen aria at the top. Before he even got all the way to the top however he heard mumbles coming from the bedroom at the end of the hall. He went toward it as quietly as he could as not to disturb him if he was fine and sleeping. He opened the door and peeked in. “Crowley dear, are you alright?” he whispered then seeing the demon in bed. He still couldn't tell what he was saying but he was clearly distressed and having a nightmare so it would be better to wake him up in this case. “Crowley. Crowley,” he said gently but slightly louder the second time as he put a hand on his side. Then suddenly his eyes shot open and he pulled away from the angel's touch like he had been burned. “It's alright, dear. It's alright, it's just me,” he said soothingly. 

“A-Aziraphale?” he said his voice still shaky. 

“Shh, yes, it's okay. Where you having a nightmare?” he asked even though he already knew the answer really. 

“I'm fine, I'm fine,” he said trying to turn away.

“Thanks not what I asked.”

“I don't want to talk about it,” he said now with his back to the angel. 

“It's alright, you don't have to. Do you want me to stay though?” 

Crowley didn't move for a few moments and Aziraphale briefly thought he might have already gone back to sleep but then he nodded. 

“Alright, I'll stay,” he said crawling into the bed beside him. He wrapped an arm around the demon and stroked him soothingly. “And if you do want to talk about it that's okay,” he said. 

Crowley nodded in acknowledgment and went back to sleep soon after. 

Meanwhile, Gabriel wasn't sure what was taking the angel so long. He wasn't sure how long making cocoa took but this seemed excessive. He didn't want to snoop but he was also a little worried about what might have gotten the angel side tracked. After a few more minutes of deliberation he got up and ventured upstairs to check. The kitchen was empty so he made his way down to the open door at the end of the hall. “Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to intrude on anything,” he said seeing the two of them in bed, the angel whispering comforting words.

“Oh, Gabriel,” Aziraphale said quietly as to not wake the sleeping demon. “I'm sorry, I know you where waiting.”

“No, no, this looks more important,” he said turning to leave. 

Aziraphale thought for a moment before Gabriel left. It was true that this was more important, Crowley would always be more important, but he still felt a little guilty for leaving the other demon hanging like that. “Wait,” he said. Gabriel turned around looking confused. The angel waved his hand and processed a steaming up. “It's not as good as made from scratch but I hate to leave you with nothing,” he said offering the cup.

“Thank you,” he said as he slowly crossed the room to take the cup. “Is he okay?” 

Aziraphale thought about how to answer. “I don't know,” he finally said honestly. 

“Is... is it because of me?” He asked taking a small step back.

“I... I don't know,” Aziraphale said again.

“I shouldn't have come here...” he turned to leave.

“Gabriel, wait,” he said as loud as he dared without waking Crowley. _Why must it be my job to comfort all the demons?_ he thought to himself. “Just... just wait downstairs, alright? You don't have to leave. Just sit down and enjoy your cocoa, okay?” Even if Crowley really didn't want him there it wasn't like he could control his nightmares and considering they might not even be related to him Gabriel shouldn't be forced to leave for that. At least not until Crowley was awake and things could be talked about. 

He nodded and left the room. Aziraphale just hoped that Gabriel would listen for once and stay at least until morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to do the best I can to get as much writing in the next week as possible since the nest two weeks of work I have WAY more hours than I normally do which is GOOD for having food just bad for having lots of writing time lol


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been trying to alternate between my WIPs but, well, this chapter got done first so you get more of this first :)

Gabriel seriously considered leaving. He knew when he wasn't wanted and whether Aziraphale admired it or not they both knew that it was his fault that Crowley was like this. With this in mind, he was about to put down his mug and just leave but before he could he fell to the floor, a new wave of pain washing though him. I thought I was done with this, he thought distantly to himself though he really couldn't do much in the way of thinking right now. If he had been able to make a real, coherent, thought he would have noticed that this pain, rather than the burn of falling, felt like all the parts of his body where being ripped off and rearranged wail other parts of his body where exploding into entirely new things. He wasn't sure if he screamed or if he was physically capable of that at the moment but after a few more minutes, or it could have been hours, the pain stopped as soon as it had started and gave way to something, though strange, at first seemed to feel even more comfortable than his corporal body normally did. That is until the fog finally left his mind and he realized what had happened. 

He was looking thought far more than two eyes, this wasn't strange in of it's self, many angelic forms had mutable eyes, he also had more limbs then he normally had. This again, in of it's self would not be strange, plenty of angelic forms had six wings or more. No, it was more how everything came together. Prickly hairs covered his body that was now the size of a medium dog, eight legs and eight eyes. The last step in reminding him of just what he was, a new demon form. It truly hadn't occurred to him until then. But of course, it wasn't like Crowley could turn into a snake or Beelzebub had flies before Falling. It made scene but that didn't mean he liked it. The problem though was that now that he had this new form he couldn't change back. He knew there must be a way but he had never changed into his true angelic form on Earth and he was still feeling drained from the change so he wasn't even sure if he could now, even if he could figure it out. I can't get stuck like this forever, he thought. But this is so much more. Will they even be able let alone willing to help with this? He knew this was something that if anyone only Crowley would be able to help with and he was somehow on even worse standing with him it appeared then he was Aziraphale. He imagined that come morning they would probably kick him out, just like this, saying that he was too much trouble. He certainly wouldn't blame them for it. But right now he was too drained to leave so he tried his best to rest and wait for the inevitable.

~*~*~*~*~*~

“Good morning, dear,” Aziraphale said as sun streamed in the window and Crowley finally turned over. 

“Morning, angel,” he said stretching. 

“So, do you want to talk about it?” 

“About what?” he asked pretending not to know what he was talking about.

“You know what. Your nightmares last night, do you want to talk about it?” 

“No,” he said again.

Aziraphale nodded. “Alright, do you want me to bring you some coffee then?” 

“Yeah, that's fine,” he said. 

“Good,” he said giving the demon a quick kiss. Once he left the room though he thought before getting coffee he should make sure that Gabriel was still there. He started downstairs but as soon as the sitting room was within eyesight he stopped. “Well that's going to be a problem,” he said allowed. “Crowley dear,” he said as he made his way back up and poked his head in the room. “We have a... situation.” 

Crowley raised an eyebrow. “What kind of situation?” 

“Well, um, I do believe that Gabriel has found his demon form.”

“Oh,” he said understanding. He realized now was when he had to chose if he was going to help or not because this wasn't something Aziraphale would be able to handle. He would have to help with this or else out worldly admit that he refused to help at all. The problem was though that he really wasn't sure which of those two options he was going for. Did he feel like since every other demon had had to figure this out on their own that Gabriel shroud to? Yup. Did he want to refuse to show him anything resembling kindness after what he did to Aziraphale? Absolutely. But in the end it was the last question that really helped him make his decision; would it make Aziraphale more upset to not help? And the answer to that was a resounding yes. So against his better judgment he decided that he would at least try to help because he couldn't bare to see the angel more upset.

“Ah, all sorts of creepy crawly, aren't you?” Crowley said once he got downstairs. “Now, I presume you have yet to figure out how to change back?”

Having a head that was attached to the rest of his body in such a way basically made normal nodding impossible so Gabriel settled for making his whole body bob up and down.

“Figures, took me years to figure it out. At least yours has legs,” he quipped. “Alright, so to be completely honest, I'm really not sure how long you'll have to wait until you can try shifting back. Most other demons didn't figure it out for quite a while anyway but I know that when I change there's a period of a few hours before I can switch back since it takes energy so who knows how much time you'll have to wait after the first time.” 

“Oh is that why you normally don't like being a snake?” Aziraphale asked. “I always assumed it was because you where embarrassed or something.” 

“Well...” he said. 

“Oh, dear, you don't have to be embarrassed by it! I think you're quite beautiful as a snake.”

“Oh,” was all Crowley could say. He really didn't want to be having this conversation in front of Gabriel of all people. He coughed. “Yes, well, though I normally don't like having to do it, being a snake right now might actually help since it will be easier to communicate like that. That alright, angel?” 

“Oh, of course! Whatever you need to do,” he said quickly. He really wasn't expecting Crowley to actually be this helpful so he wasn't about to argue. 

Crowley nodded and smoothly morphed into his snake form. 

“Right I'm just going to... books... cocoa... over here...” the angel said awkwardly leaving the room.

_“So, having fun yet?”_ Crowley asked once he was fully changed and gave the snake version of a smirk.

_“Of course not!”_ the spider replied. _“You're saying I could be like this for years?”_

_“Well, who knows? No one has Fallen in a very long time so who knows how long until you actually can.” _

_“Crowley, I'm scared,”_ he admitted. _“I know you have no reason to care about that but...”_

_“Oh you'll figure it out eventually, everyone did eventually,”_ he said rolling his eyes. Or at leas he would have if snake eyes could roll.

_“That's not what I'm afraid of.”_

_“Then what?”_ the snake asked now very confused. 

_“That this will make you want to throw me out even more. I know I'm the reason you're having nightmares about Falling again.”_

_“How do you know what my dreams are about!?”_ he hissed angrily. 

_“I just do!”_ he yelled back a little panicked. _“It's apparently my one angelic power that carried over.”_

_“Did you tell Aziraphale?”_ he asked still angry. 

_“Of course not! That's not my business,”_ he said as he watched the snake reluctantly calm himself slightly. _“So are you? Going to throw me out after this?”_ he asked once he was calmer.

_“I've wanted to throw you out since you got here,”_ he said, his voice hard. _“But this doesn't make me want to do it anymore then I already did if that's what you're asking.”_

_“Oh, thank you,”_ he said slightly relieved. 

_“Don't thank me yet,”_ the snake said. _“I still hate you and want you gone. You where happy to kill the one person I actually care about and you had the nerve to flash that stupid smile! If I could have made you Fall right then and there myself-”_

_“Wait... oh, oh! That's how you did it!” _

_“I- what?”_ he said now worried that he had let something slip. 

_“That's why you both survived! You took each others place! Wow, that was really clever,”_ he said it without a hint of sarcasm or malice in his voice. 

_“Fuck,”_ he said under his breath. 

_“What? It's not like I'm going to tell anyone! And I'm certainly not going to try and kill ether of you now. Besides, even if I did want to tell anyone telling Heaven would just make things worse for myself and I'm certainly not going to purposefully draw attention from Hell.”_

He had a point so after a moment he nodded. _“Alright, alright, fine,”_ he said. 

_“I suppose it dose give you far more reason to hate me, directly. I mean, since you where there. Can I ask you a question though?”_

__

__

_“I, um, sure?”_ he said a little hesitant. 

__

__

_“When you where, well, spitting Hellfire, where you.... acutely trying to hit us? Or just scar us? I mean, I can understand ether way.”_

__

__

_“The truth?” _

__

__

He did his awkward spider nod. 

__

__

_“It was... mostly to scare, I didn't want Aziraphale feeling guilty about anyone dying even if he wasn't there. However I would be lying if I wasn't at least somewhat hopping to hit you at least.” _

__

__

_“Well it's not like I wouldn't have deserved that. And then you wouldn't have to be dealing with me-”_

__

__

_“Shut up! Stop it with the fucking self pity! Yes your an ass, yes I hate you, yes you probably deserve to die, but if someone is trying to help you shut the fuck up and take the help! No one wants to hear you whine about how unworthy you are, we all know that already,”_ he knew how much of a hypocrite he was being since he had been telling himself for years how he didn't deserve the angel's friendship but he wasn't about to say that out loud. _“It's fine to admit that you're an ass that no one likes once but no one wants to hear you go on and on about it.” _

__

__

_“Oh,”_ the spider said somewhat surprised. _“I guess you're right. Fine, I'll stop but I want to say one more time that I am sorry.” _

__

__

_“It doesn't matter, demons don't get forgiven.”_

__

__

_“You're right. Of course you're right,”_ he said wishing that he could still curl up in this form. 

__

__

_“Look,”_ he said annoyed. _“I don't like you but for some reason Aziraphale decided to help you so until he says otherwise or until you really fuck up, whichever comes first, I will too.”_

__

_ __ _

__

Gabriel knew at least one of those things would inevitably happen eventually but he hoped that it could at least wait until after he figured out how to change back since it would probably be really bad for everyone concerned if he got kicked out like this. If that happened then he would probably have to retreat to Hell and he wanted to be there even less then he wanted to be here. _“Okay,”_ he finally said after a moment. 

__

_ __ _

__

_“You can try and change back now but it will probably still be a while,”_ he said. _“Just... imagine how your human-ish form looks and try and change one part at a time. Even if you do manage to change back there is still a chance there will be at least some part you won't be able to change back complacently or at least not at first so just try and see if you can at least get closer.” _

__

_ __ _

__

The spider did it's spider nod and tried to consecrate on fist seeing if he could get back to having two legs. He worked on that for a good thirty minutes by Crowley's estimate. _“Is anything happening?” _

__

_ __ _

__

_“Nope,”_ the snake said popping the 'p' which sounded very odd coming from a snake. _“Guess it will take more time.”_

__

_ __ _

__

_“Do you um... do you think you could stay in snake from a little longer? I mean you don't have to talk to me or anything but...”_

__

_ __ _

__

_“But it makes it easier to get our attention if something happens. Yeah, I get it. I don't like it but I get it. Fine, I will for a little while but if Aziraphale wants to go out for lunch I'm going with him. I'm not missing another date for your sorry ass.” _

__

_ __ _

__

_“I understand,”_ he said. _“Thank you.”_

__

_ __ _

__

_“Shut up.”_

__

_ __ _

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO, Crowley and Gabe have had a little heart to heart and it looks like Gabe might be stuck as a giant spider for a while.  
Also I don't know why I do this to my self, this was so much work to format this lol


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's been so long! I have just been really stuck recently on both my WIPs but it's now NaNoWriMo time and I have decided to rebel this year and work more on my WIPs then a new novel so you can finally expect more regular updates from all my fics hopefully for the next month!   
And if you had started reading this and are back, thank you so much for sticking with me :)

Over the next two weeks or so they managed to keep the spider known as Gabriel hidden in the back room. It wasn't really a big deal for snake Crowley to wander around the shop since seeing a large snake tended to scare customers off (which was really only a good thing) but was still an explainable thing. A spider larger than those that actually existed on earth however was much harder to explain away.

He was trying. Really hard. But all he had managed to do at that point was make some of the extra spider hairs go away which at least meant that he probably physically _could_ it would just take more practice. It still made him feel quite guilty though that he was causing Crowley to be in his snake form more often than not, though Aziraphale tried to reassure him that it was just insecurities that Crowley should get over anyway but as he currently had the same insecurities the fact that six thousand years later Crowley still had them really didn't help.

“_Anything yet?” _the snake hissed as he came into the back room again.

“_No, not yet,”_ the spider said sadly. _“I really hate to keep you like this...” _he said.

“_Oh shut up,”_ he said rolling his eyes, again as much as a snake could. He did not want to go over this again. He really hated having to try and make Gabriel of all people feel better about himself but he was more annoying when he felt guilty and he really didn't want to feel bad for him. Besides, he was getting more used to being in his snake form so it wasn't a horrible inconvenience. He had initially worried that it would bother Aziraphale but turned out the angel liked snake cuddles at least as much as he liked regular human-shaped ones so it wasn't a big deal.

What did tend to be a problem though was that they had had to get use to not having nearly as much space in the back room since the giant spider took up basically all the floor space.

“Crowley dear, are you back here?” Aziraphale called into the room. The snake slithered up onto the couch so that he could be at eye level with the angel. “Ah, hello there, my dear. I was just about to go out for lunch and thought you might join me.

Almost before he had finished speaking Crowley was shifting into human shape and kissed his angel. “Of course I would love to join you!” he said wrapping his arms around the angel's neck.

“Any luck changing back yet?” he then asked glancing over the demon's shoulder to the other one still a giant spider. “I'll take that as a no,” he said as the spider merely blinked at him. It had been a few days since they had gone out since Aziraphale had been reluctant to leave Gabriel alone but as there wasn't honestly much trouble he could get in they weren't that worried about it as long as the didn't stay out long.

“He'll be fine,” Crowley quietly reassured him. “Trust me, keeping us from our daily life upsets him more.” Though this was technically true Crowley was really saying that for his own benefit at the time but Aziraphale didn't need to know that since it wasn't technically a lie.

“If you say so, my dear,” he sighed.

“So where we going?”

“I was thinking sushi.”

~**~*~*~*~*~

They dicided to walk since Aziraphale preferred to avid Crowley's driving whenever possible and it was really not that far of a walk and Crowley liked to have some time to get used to legs again after almost two weeks solid of being a snake.

Crowley used to not like going to sushi at all clamming that it all smelled weird but once he got a taste for sake it was perfectly acceptable.

“I admit, I'm worried about him,” Aziraphale said picking up a eel roll with his chopsticks. “I know that's silly but...”

“It's because you're so nice, angel,” Crowley said taking a small sip of his chilled sake. “I would say too nice but that would be a lie.”

Aziraphale let out a small chuckle. “But really though, how long do you think it will take him? To be able to shift I mean.”

“Who knows?” he shrugged. “Like I said, when we met in the garden was the first time I had fully shifted back since Falling so who knows what it will take? I mean at the time I thought maybe it was the being on earth that helped? You know, being away from all of the extra energy from Hell trying to pull out the demon. But he is on earth and he's even in close proximity to you like I was so if that is the factor we're giving him all the leg up we can. Just have to wait and see I guess.”

“Yes, more waiting,” he said distantly taking a sip of his own drink which happen to be oolong tea.

“It will be fine,” he reassured again placing his hand on the others. “Just stop worrying so much.”

“I'll try, my dear,” he said giving a small smile. “I love you.”

“I love you too, angel,” he said kissing the hand he was still holding. “Now this is the first date we've had in weeks and I refuse to have any more talk over something we can't do anything else about right now. We are going to have a relaxing, fun, lunch date.” he said insistently.

“Very well, dear, I'll try.”

After that they did for the most part manage to avoid further discussion of the giant spider problem they where currently faced with and simply had a nice lunch out.

Meanwhile however, it seemed that they might soon have an entirely different problem.

“Is that you, Gabriel?” asked a voice he knew all too well.

“_Oh, fuck.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing for months and then a cliff hanger? Am I evil? Yes, yes I am. Don't worry though, next chapter should be up in a couple of days ;)

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't going to actually start writing this yet. I wanted to get at least one more fic done. But this one wouldn't shut up so I wrote the first chapter in like forty minutes so I guess I'm posting it now.


End file.
